I think there is a certain amount of hubris going on here. Looking back at some of my blog posts there was a smugness that my new found way of life was completely bedded in and I simply couldn't imagine going back to a life without regular fasting. Guess what?! Not only not fasting but I have slipped back into lots of old habits involving eating when I'm not hungry, daily wine drinking and excessive sugar consumption.
It's tempting to blame much of this recent behaviour on a combination of quitting smoking and recuperating from my operation. I will certainly admit to feeling very sorry for myself. I've been physically exhausted for a couple of months since the surgery which has made everything seem more difficult. And while giving up smoking has been relatively simple - I switched to an e-cig for a week or so then stopped completely on the day of the op - I do really miss it.
I feel quite resentful. My little pleasures are being eroded. My daily glass (or three) of wine - can't have that, too many calories, too bad for my health. The cigarette with my coffee - can't have that, terrible for my health and too expensive. The snacks and treats - can't have those, dreadful for my weight. Regular meals? Only on 5 days a week!
What am I left with? Thank goodness for coffee. The theme of the rest of my life appears to be about restriction, abstinence and giving things up. And I DON'T LIKE IT! Apparently this is called getting old. I've taken to posting pictures of my garden plants on Facebook. One of my friends accused me of being middle-aged. It's depressing. Apart from the gardening. I'm proving her right by actually loving that part. Unfortunately I can't go and do a quick spot of pruning whenever I want a smoke.
So where do I go from here? Well apparently I'm not alone in feeling that I'm in a bit of a funk. There are a few others in my wonderful Facebook group of 5:2ers who are struggling too. One of the advantages of 5:2 is that it's a long term, slow burn, chip away at it type of strategy. This is also one of it's downsides - you do have to be committed and just - keep - going.
In an effort to lift the group and in turn be lifted myself, I'm running a summer challenge from next Monday. The idea is to encourage, prod, support and generally inspire those of us in need of getting back on track. Everyone will have slightly different details, but my personal challenges are as follows:
1. Fasting. 2 days a week. Every week. This is something most of the group do anyway but some of us need remedial school...
2. Exercise. I can't do anything terribly aerobic but I need to be rigorous about doing my physio exercise every single day. If I'm signed off to walk during the challenge I will add a 20 minute walk daily.
3. Abstinence. No, not that kind... I'm going to refrain from alcohol on weekdays for the duration, as this will give my health a boost too.
The challenge will run for 4 weeks, after which I'm going on holiday for a week at an all-inclusive resort, so I need me some good habits before then! Participants will be checking in daily and I'll be posting a cheery, uplifting or plain silly song to get us moving. If I have to adjust to cope with getting old then at least I will do it in good company and with a decent soundtrack. Onwards and downwards!
