Day 29 was completed without fuss last Thursday, once again going all day without food until a light dinner in the evening. Day 30 started out just fine, but I realised fairly early on that I wouldn't make it all day. Not a problem, I simply revised my approach to include soup for lunch.
Before eating I decided to have a sneaky peak at the scales. It was 2 weeks since I last weighed, and I thought it would be a nice motivator to see my progress. Bad move! I weighed exactly the same as 2 weeks before, down to the ounce. Suddenly, what had already seemed like a slightly more challenging day than of late, turned into a massive effort of will.
I read somewhere recently that losing weight is not a physical challenge as much as a mental one. No kidding. I battled through with the encouragement of friends and supporters and much stubborn gritting of my teeth. (Mostly so I couldn't fit any food in my mouth...)
The Fast Diet people on Facebook ran a competition this week, asking people to write in describing how 5:2 has changed their lives. I thought about entering, but in the middle of dealing with my own mental challenge, I struggled to put together a coherent description. There are many ways my life has changed, but apart from the obvious physical effect, most of the others are mental. I actually feel that the mental changes are almost more significant. If I had to pick one, I'd say it's the change in my attitude to hunger.
Despite going slightly "fast crazy" on Monday, the outcome was that I completed another successful fast day. I coped with the hunger in all the ways I have learned - distraction, mindfulness, seeking support and drinking fluids. My ability to cope with hunger and the utter turnaround in my attitude towards it still amaze me.
Yesterday I finished up working at a conference around 5pm and walked a couple of miles to the station to get the train home. I had eaten sensibly during the day, but was already hungry. There was a time when the thought of holding out from that point to dinner after 7 o'clock would have been unthinkable. Even though I was looking forward to a lovely dinner out, I would have been diving for the nearest fast food place or cafe to pick up fries or pastries or whatever, to tide me over. Even if I wasn't hungry, I would quite often eat substantial snacks at that time of day, to guard against the possibility that I might become hungry later on, before my next meal was due. Actually not just that time of day, although it was a particularly problem for me, but pretty much any time of day between meals.
It seems insane to me now - in fact I'm pretty sure it was insane. But the relief in quitting that behaviour for good is huge. I now know that I can deal with hunger. I know it won't get worse and worse, it will just come and go. I know I won't pass out or collapse with it. The worst consequence might be an embarrassing tummy rumble during a quiet meeting at work. My snacking habit has almost completely disappeared. I no longer worry about missing out on a food experience as I am an expert at delayed gratification - there will always be another meal, another opportunity for a mouth-watering treat. I regularly leave food on my plate. It makes me feel empowered whenever I do.
I had lunch with work colleagues at a lovely restaurant today, where I know from experience that the portions of their delicious food are quite small. I was discussing possible menu choices with the lady next to me, and she remarked that her choice would probably be influenced by what might fill her up the most - in this case the difference between a pasta starter and scallops. I nodded in understanding, but inside I was gleefully cackling to myself - I didn't need to add that into the equation. I could eat exactly the tastiest dish I wanted and be absolutely sure that in the unlikely event that I wasn't full after the meal, I wouldn't care. As it was, of course, I was quite satisfied with the portions provided.
I have other challenges this week. The hip injury which hasn't bothered me much since the summer has flared up with a vengeance today and I can't walk without a great deal of pain. It's a good reminder of my original motivation for losing weight, to get the pressure off my poor joints so I can get some proper treatment for this injury. And it's good for perspective too. This is a long-term strategy for me. I may not have lost any ounces in the last 2 weeks, but I have lost a great deal since I started, and it is staying off. Every week I persist will bring me results over time, and the odds will be ever in my favour!
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