Internal dialogue for a fast day

Wake up in the morning, bleary, not really awake, have to get up, don't want to get up, what shall I have for breakfast, oh damn not having breakfast today...

Give kids breakfast. Try not to think about what they are eating. Oh look there's the cake that was made yesterday, I'll have a bit of that later, oh no I won't. Damn. 

Put pot of coffee on. Take kids to school. Mums in the playground ask me to join them for coffee at Starbucks. Lovely. Meet them there later. They are eating bacon sandwiches. Damn. Black coffee......

Work work work emails phone calls work what shall I have for lunch, oh damn not having lunch today... More coffee...

If I eat the inside of my own mouth do I have to count the calories?

It's lunchtime, half the day gone, don't think about lunch, don't think about food...

OK. Think about food. Think about it properly. I'm not actually that hungry. My tummy is not feeling hollow, I'm not dizzy or nauseous, I'm perfectly fine to not eat anything. I just WANT to eat, I want the sensation of food in my mouth, I want the flavour, the chewing, the swallowing...

Oh look there's the box of chocolates I was given last week no No NO NOOOO!!!!!

Quick trip out to physiotherapy, oh look there's that lovely deli with all the delicious food - WALK. AWAY. NOW.

Back home more work, emails, conference calls. Nope, can't stand it any longer, I have to eat. Microwave an instant meal. Tastes like food of the gods. Take half an hour to eat it, making every mouthful last as long as humanly possible.

A respite of an hour or so when I don't think about food every minute. Fetch kids from after-school club. Feed them. Feed boyfriend. Don't inhale, don't smell the food, there are probably calories in the vapours. Don't look at the bottle of wine chilling in the fridge. Don't even think about the slice of pizza the kids didn't eat. Oh look another utterly delicious ready meal. I really ought to plan some better food. 

Wrestle kids to bed. Watch TV. Ignore tummy rumbling. NOW it rumbles. I've eaten already, dammit! Don't think about cheese. Crap I just thought about cheese. How many calories in one slice? Walk away from the fridge. Is it bed time yet? Is it tomorrow yet?